Right over here

•January 25, 2015 • 1 Comment

So I have been trying to write music…this is my first attempt at a song/lyrics….

All I wish

every day

is to only be your friend

to see the joy in your face

to hear the laugh of your voice

in only just a call

I come home home

soaked in sweat

tired of everything

I wonder if you’d even care

if I didn’t  show at all


Oh my God

Cant you see me

right before your eyes

I am sitting just 5 feet across

wearing no disguise

I long for days

way since passed

when you called me dear

now your blind to who I was

right over here

I just want

just one day

to come home alive

to see you waiting

smile in hand

with nothing but a hi

I don’t ask for all that much

or so it seems to me

Just that you realize

all my smiles and jokes I tell

are holding back a cry


Don’t you know

I was waiting ,


only to be seen

all I  know is



is all its ever been


Oh My god

now you see

right before your eyes

I was sitting just 5 feet across

wearing no disguise

Now my presence is truly seen

perfectly clear

you look over where I once sat

right over here


so very long….

•January 25, 2015 • Leave a Comment

Funny how life is…I was cleaning my computer this morning and I found a link…I had actually forgotten about this page…that I created it…I read the first couple of posts…(of which that is all there was) and I realized I how much I loved to write. The joy it gave me .


It was so long ago I write last and since then my life has changed and I have changed completely. I think , if possible, in the last 12 months I have actually come to know the real me…what I am …who I am …

I overcame a major disease …I learned the passion of music again…I learned first hand exactly whammy mom meant when she said…:I hope someday up have kids who torment you like this..then you will know…”

anyway…I am fairly alone in this…no one I know remembers this….no one I know will read…so I will use this as the outlet I need….perhaps in that …I can find my sanity and shake the depression..the theory I need





•December 23, 2006 • 1 Comment

What a crazy crazy month this has been…but first..let me tell you what a pain in the ass doing a pod-cast has turned out to be! I just got a new Mac and have been playing with GarageBand to try and develop my first podcast and I am going frickin crazy..basically it will consist of an intro…4 songs…3 spoken sections…and an ending..totaling maybe 30 minutes….I am now on my 6th hour of developing!!!!…I am sure it gets easier..or maybe I am doing something completely whacked out and wrong…hahahah…anyway..when is up and loaded on I-Tunes will post the link here…will be the first time anyone will have heard me do any readings of my poetry….I was hoping to get that recorded while I still have this raspy congested voice thanks to a 2 week cold I had while in Kansas City working….

Now that Christmas is truly here…(has been hard to feel any sensation of it being so far away from home)…I an lucky enough now to start reflecting….and usually that is not good for me. Reflecting always takes you back in time…to places you remember so clearly is as if still alive and well. This is the 5th Christmas without my parents. Christmas will never be the same try as I may to recreate those days. Mom had a way of decorating that made you feel it inside…even though when I look at the pictures now I realize it was downright hideous how she decorated. The Christmas tree you actually could not see any of the tree through the bulbs, garland and the 200 pounds of silver icicles. In some home movies it actually looks like a triangle of aluminum foil standing there with it so bright the camera cant quite film it…but…in the end…I wish nothing more than to see that one more time

a short post…but…wanted to say Merry Christmas to my one reader..hahahah

and…one newbie for the holiday

I have been
creating this place
only you know
and I know
a place
worlds away
so close to home
so far from here
and we have nothing
we are sheltered
yet homeless
begging for food
a chance
to live
is all we want
so many people
diagnose us
remedy our ills
they cant know death
they cant know life
unless they have lived
hearts are black
charred beyond
all recognition
and they still
try to convince
they bleed
a brighter color than me
I prefer
to just
it die
this fight is beyond
what I have to give



•December 10, 2006 • 1 Comment

I was going to wait until the first of the year to start this, but I read This, and decided that maybe my heart can make one far away see life a bitt differently.

That being said, an open letter to my dear friend NIW:


I have been following your blog discretely lately. I never comment because of the turmoil I see in your writing, the lack of hope that I see now I never saw in your words before. You had made comments that I really did not understand and since I am not there, I dont know if is really my place to comment or not. You had mentioned that Iraq is in a civil war and I have only one question to that…if the people who are doing the suicide killings, attacking the Iraqi people indiscriminately, left tomorrow, do you think the violence would continue? Do you think is the Iraqi people casuing the violence. My guess is that the people there have hope and want nothing more than peace.

The terrorists win when they destroy and destroy and make people blame everyone but them for the actions they are subjecting your country to. I will never say that the US is perfect and will even say that is perhaps a mistake to have gone in without some plan for the chaos. I sincerely believe no one could fathom the suicide killings. Is too insane a thought to embrace. I remember when the suicide killings forst started how they were reported here. We were in shock…I remember talking to people for weeks after the first wondering what kind of person could blow themself up. Now is so commow people dont even show dismay or shock. This is the tactic they utillize. They bring so much violence ..so much destruction..that you become more accustom to that than what they are doing. Human nature want us to find one to blame. With the help of a willing press, the message is the US is to blame. Bush contrived this…Bush contrived that. I sometimes wonder who hates Bush more …the terrorists or the press. I have watched very close because I believe that this struggle is required for our children to know some version of peace in their lives.

We did not ask for 9/11…I was sitting in my office when it happened. I dont recall Bush being aggressive. We were attacked fro nothing other than to pick that fight. Al Queda had a mission to bring us to them to fight..after the defeat of the Russians in Afghanistan they set the sites to fight us. I sometimes wonder what will happen if we had done nothing…that thought scares me beyond belief. Good or bad…Bush did what he saw was required. He does not waver..he does not listen to polls and now..he is standing all alone. I am watching as his party …the opposition party…and a majority of the people in the US say we should leave. They now want us to talk to to Iran and Syria…the ones that are funding and supplying the mayhem you hate so much. I wake this morning and read that Iran will continue developing a nuclear weapon. We are weak…the world knows nothing of any of the good that we have done in Iraq. I have not read a good word about the humanitarian effort…not one front page article about anything good. I have seen news created and later found to be false. Of course the retraction is buried on page 9 so no one ever knows the true story. My guess is that the violence will stop once that Iran has their bomb, your country is being used as a pawn until they can blackmail the world. I know war is easy to analyze from far away..but please see who the true enemy is. I heard an analysis the other day that said is hard to win when you try to be precise and not wantonly kill. I think in that statement you can see why the terrorists have the upper hand. They kill as many as they can and somehow escape any blame for THEIR actions.

I will always regret not getting the chance to meet you and hubby when we were so close. I hope you have taken my advice from then and moved forward…

NIW…hope is all our hearts can sustain in times of turmoil. Please dont lose that.

With all my heart and soul
God bless you

Hello world!

•November 23, 2005 • Leave a Comment

More to come